I have but one resolution

Since this week started with Plough Monday and I am still saying happy new year to people I figure I am still well within the amount of time that I can talk about customs around the turning of the secular year.

2016 is over and done, and I was so glad to see it go, and that’s with knowing what 2017 would bring to the world when it’s only 20 days old. (See? I am trying not too be too political.) On the personal front, my year was a big mixed bag. Some highs, like less acute illness and seeing Pearl Jam while in the pit and only about 20 feet between me and the stage, and some lows, like sleep being elusive for months and still feeling like I was scrambling just to keep from falling into a metaphorical pit. Just like at Wep Ronpet in August, I wanted to leave the previous year behind and get a good dose of zep tepi happening. It’s much too soon to know if this is happening but I set some things in motion which might help turn my struggles into some success.

Which leads me to the one resolution, which is also my word(s) for the year.

Heal/th

It’s now five and a half years since I was hit with the “Yay I finished grad school now collapse!” exhaustion which has yet to abate. And it’s been four years since the last time I set out to try to find a reason why I could not recover from doing a Master’s degree. After much stalling and outright blanking out on doing so, I cold called and made my first appointment with a new doctor, which happens at the end of the month. Let’s say I am more than a little nervous about this. And I may throw a fit if I have to deal with another round of blaming my weight for something which started BEFORE my weight creeped back on.

I’m tired. Tired of being tired all the time, tired of struggling just to take care of the necessities in my life, tired of being so worn out all the time that reading more than a few pages at the time had me wanting to nap. This world has gotten more overtly scary for someone like me, a queer gender non-conforming woman who’s a polytheist and magic worker. This is no state for me to do my part in restoring ma’at and I am tired of being on the sidelines.

And I am damn tired of hearing myself talk about, and just think about, how limited I am in what I can do. There’s too much I want to do which involves building blocks of action on my part before they can be manifest. I pray this new doctor will be the first step in reclaiming my life. (Prayers and support from others also welcome.)

Ma’at must prevail. It will eventually, as it always does, but it is an active process. I want to carry it with me at all times. With the reports of hate crimes after the U.S. election I was hit with a strong knowing that now was the time to get my first tattoo. I’ve only wanted one since I was 10 but I could never decide what I wanted for the first design. Then it came to me, the hieroglyph for the ma’at feather on my chest. I asked around, got the name of someone who does great blackwork tattoos in my area, made the appointments, and last Thursday it happened. The tattoo is healing well and swiftly, for which I am thankful. And now ma’at is always with me.

I’m going to need it. We are all going to need it.

Ma'at feather

Hive mind, I need some help

I’m working on a project relating to my presentation at Paganicon in March and need some help filling in one area.

Here is the scenario: person new to modern paganism/polytheism/magical practice has next to no money for books and lives in an isolated area with a poorly stocked and underfunded library which has nothing relating to the religions or magical practices. Well, maybe except for some Satanic Panic era lies in print. This person has also learned that downloading pdfs of books from Facebook groups and Tumblr is piracy and stealing from authors, but still does not know where to look for sound introductory material on the basics of ritual and getting started in any sort of magical practice. What would you share with them? Thus far the one sure site I would recommend is Quareia.

Restoring Ma’at

Since the summer, I have had ma’at on the mind almost constantly and have been working to understand and act within it. Then the election happened, and I got mad, which morphed into getting motivated for action. If you want to start understanding ma’at, or just know an ethical system rooted in a polytheistic tradition, read my sister Niankh’s post.

2016,  through all of the abysmal things that have happened during that time, has me thinking a lot about Ma’at lately.  We’ve lost so many cultural, artistic and historical icons in th…

Source: Restoring Ma’at

Zep Tepi all over again

Yesterday evening I returned home from the House of Netjer’s annual Wep Ronpet/New Year retreat. Wednesday morning we praised Ra, slayed a snake cake (hacked into by a newer shemsu who’d never been to Retreat before who is a child of Sekhmet and Set, no one better to do so!), smashed a pot to destroy isfet, and celebrated our community. This coming year, Year 24, is given to Yinepu and Khonsu, the Two Princes, and already looks to be quite the change from the last three years. For those who do not follow at home, the last three years have been respectively given to Heru-sa-Aset (younger Horus, literally Horus son of Aset/Isis), Aset, and Heru-sa-Aset again. In Kemetic Orthodoxy we are also marking the second Heb Sed for Rev. Siuda/Hekatawy I (AUS). My hopes are high for a better year, and perhaps personally an easier year than the last few.

I am damn proud to be a member of the House, to be Shemsu Ankh, to again be considering priest/w’ab service in the not too distant future. Step one is to take up regular practice of senut, which is the core rite of the tradition. Step two is being more social, which includes having people visit me in a few weeks for fellowship and museum visits. (If you’re in the House and in the northeast US, check the boards!) Step three is blogging more. That thing I keep saying I need to do more then all my spoons are spent in a continued effort to keep from drowning. Operation FITYMI remains a thing but I’d rather it not be. It says a lot about my health that the very idea of calling to find a new doctor has been too much of a drain. That’s another step which will happen once I switch back to my evening work schedule.

There are also some things I need to say in the coming months. I’ve held my tongue due to knowing I did not have the ability to deal with any potential arguments those words could cause. But soon, soon…

Well, I did it! I’m now on Patreon

My friend Beth, who makes awesome jewelry and smellies and other things, has a Patreon. Consider supporting her work.

And yes, I have been scarce. It’s also the last day of the KO year, which means no sleep till new years! And hopefully enough zep tepi that I can start doing things again. Like writing.

I’m too tired for this stuff

If I wait until the stars align for me to write a full post again… I’ll never write a full post again. But I wanted to put updates and some thoughts into text somewhere, so this is my best shot.

1. This past weekend was spring Pagan Pride Day in my state. I haven’t attended many but this one was the best in terms of presentations. The first of the day was herbal aphrodisiacs, presented by a local herbalist and giving an introduction to some herbs and roots which can be used for intimate stimulation. We also got treats, like damiana liquer she had made, and bliss balls with damiana and horny goat weed included, along with tinctures of a few more herbs. The other win was a discussion on baneful plants. I already have some experience there with my use of flying ointments, but got some other ideas for how to work with the plants.
Siduri and I are also thinking about pulling together a small workshop with the aphrodisiacs woman with a few of our friends. It’s also a nice affirmation that I do know a few things about a few topics, even if I can’t act on them as much as I’d like.

2. Now way way behind on the Youtube Pagan Challenge. Sad for this, since so many of the topics are 101/foundation stuff I’d like to have chronicled in some way. I might try to pick up on it some this weekend. People, feel free to keep on me for this.

3. Health is… health. It remains a struggle. One achievement I’ve had recently is not eating my heart because I haven’t been able to take care of self-set tasks. That’s liberating. Also, I am going to see Pearl Jam on Sunday, and will be in the standing space in front of the stage. And I’m not too worried it will drain my reserves to do this. It’s a small step, but it is a STEP.

4. A thing which has been bugging me with the last few months of various words between bloggers and assorted declarations: I have a vantage point which seems to show a whole lot of echo chambers waiting to happen. It bothers me.

And now to found it out, have some spring leaves and mandrakes from the Beast Peddler enjoying herbal goods at aforementioned Pagan Pride Day!

early blooming

Londo, Haxa, and Vissa were delighted by this playtime.

Londo, Haxa, and Vissa were delighted by this playtime.

In which I get shinies and film them!

I’m kinda liking making Youtube videos. It does tend to go a lot quicker than writing and I am less likely to forget ideas. (boo on you brain)

In any case, last night I got shinies in the mail as well as at work so I decided to show them off. Enjoy! And if you can, please view directly on Youtube. They apparently have a setting where embedded views do not count in the overall tally.

Triple dose of videos

I seem to recall during the fall that I had kinda promised myself I would write up several posts for this little old blog of mine. It’s either been I don’t have the spoons or don’t have the time, which isn’t fair to anyone. Least of all me. But it seems like doing these videos has me thinking about what to write and what to say. Plus new format appeals to my ADD brain. (Yes I have ADD. Does this really surprise anyone?)

The Youtube Pagan Challenge is also giving me a chance to talk about subjects I probably would not otherwise cover, because they’re not on my inner radar for things to discuss. So consider these background information if you don’t already know me well. Or if you do but I have left out parts of my personal narrative.

Right now I am dangerously close to up to date with this challenge. Don’t worry, I won’t let it go to my head.

Week 2:

Week 4, complete with a special guest!

Week 5:

Taking up the challenge

After several takes, a few stalls, and some days of just spacing out and forgetting I can film, I’ve started in the Youtube Pagan Challenge. Some of you are taking part, but if you’re not, it’s a series of questions to be answered in video format. The challenge is already on week six, but I have this and week four already done. Maybe by the weekend I can pull off being up to date with the question. Enjoy!