I’ve been having spiritual troubles for months now. My hearing has been fairly shot, and I don’t trust it anymore. Trancing abilities have tanked so much I haven’t even made an attempt since midsummer. The reason why I think I got something then was due to its being oceanic work, which I did at the beach. I dropped meditation once again because it felt like yet another chore which was not doing anything for me. Had I not kept up with daily shrine, regular offerings, and at least attempts at talking to T/those in the Unseen, I think I would have lost it.
I seem to periodically come to these points, as thought I’ve done all I can, then hit my wall and my limit, and have to go back to the beginning to get anywhere again. Is this just something of my own path? Is it like this for everyone? I am doing it wrong? I have no clue anymore.
All I can do at these points is return to the basics. Sitting in meditation. Yoga. Basic grounding, centering, and protection…
Er, about that last line. That’s something I have not actively done for myself for a while. Who knows why. I have amulets I wear almost daily which do a lot for me on that front, yet somehow they do not cover everything. For the past few weeks, I’ve made it a point to reinforce my psychic protection at least once a day. At the least, it keeps out enough of what I do not want, so I can better perceive what’s going on within me. And now I am seeming to start getting some of that extra perception back. Or at least not instantly questioning or doubting it when a “thought” seems to come from outside of my head or something shows up at the corner of my eye which should definitely not be there.
Dear Gods, let this please be an improvement, and let it continue.
I also have to remember that my path is pretty much my own. I can’t compare it to my friends, whether they be priests, trance workers, shamans, or what have you. My path seems to indeed be about boundaries, and living in full balance with the Seen and Unseen worlds. What more there is, I don’t know. I have yet to pull off that balance trick. The Seen world seems too content to throw things at me to keep me way too far in this reality. Like this past spring, when I was so stressed out about one particular class. In the end, the stress didn’t get the work done any sooner or any better. It came as it would, in short fits and starts, and it eventually got done. But the effects of the stress remain even now. With my second to last semester underway, I am hoping to keep the stress down as much as possible.
This summer was Earth working again: becoming grounded and staying present. Now I am truly moving into water work. Emotions. Healing. Boundaries. Release. Psychic work is also in the realm of water too. I’m going to be here for a while, splashing around.
Of course as I am writing about water, I get news about it coming through. A massive gasoline leak into the Nile which means many many people cut off from drinking water. There’s nothing I can say about this now because some part of my heart is weeping too much.
I just keep doing what I can. Counting breaths. Carrying water.