I am very thankful to see October end. This has been a rough month, primarily due to getting malware both at work and at home. Once upon a time I was the person who never got such things. This year, the luck has turned so that I now get infected. When you’re not used to it, such a thing can throw you off. When you already have not been feeling aligned fully with your life, this makes the feeling even worse. I managed to take care of all the problems but it took a few weeks to get over the sense of violation and even guilt. I’m not sure where the guilt came from but it was there. I’ve never been big on eating my heart* but every day I took at least one bite out of it. A big one, no less.
I’m chalking it up as yet another learning experience, along with a reminder of why the backup hard drive is a wonderful invention.
Today is Samhain, and not a holy day in any of my traditions. But I celebrate anyway. I see it as a day for Hekate and boundary gods in general, with it being said that the veil between the Seen and Unseen worlds have thinned. I celebrated yesterday with my friends T and H. We had a dumb supper, played with a spirit board, and did trance work for Hekate. Even though my head still feels filled with psychic bricks, the trance work went extremely well, and unexpectedly. (Only I could do a Hekate pathworking and wind up in Fensalir.) I keep hearing, the rare times when I trance, that although I have all these blocks and don’t feel like I am doing much in the way of spiritual workings, Stuff continues to work for me and I am not losing ground for these problems.
Last weekend I also finally got a shelf put up to give my ancestors a shrine of their very own, and not having any other altar on the same flat surface. It means I finally have the space to put up photos of those who have gone before me. Right now that includes my father and my namesake (my mother’s favorite cousin). The photos need frames but it feels so good to have something visible for them.
Today they got incense, a candle, water, and whiskey today, along with a star candle I purchased months ago.
Even though I have a long way to go to fully get back on track, I’m finding those tracks again. Slow and steady and all that.
*From the 42 Purifications/Negative Confessions, meaning you’re beating yourself up too much or way too hard on yourself. Dua Bast, I finally got over it.