2011… and it’s back to work

The second day of this calendar year, I was hit in the face with one of the things that will be one of my focuses for this year. My mother and I went to visit some cousins who are relatives by her father’s side of the family. In particular, we were meeting a new (to us) cousin. He had been born out of wedlock and raised in a Catholic foster home, and only recently found his siblings, who are cousins I have known since I was young.

As if I were not already certain that this year I’d be focusing more on my ancestors.

Slowly, things are starting to clear again. I am getting the strong sense from Wepwawet that I need to get back on the wagon and regain those skills I’ve previously had. I have no idea how I will reclaim such things, except for the usual way: practice. This will take some time, and I’m not afraid of that. The only concern I have is that short term frustrations will again get in my way.

Something I notice about myself periodically that I feel compelled to share: I don’t doubt. Sometimes I may wonder if I am making things up, like the things I hear in my head, or the weird experiences which defy logical explanation on first experiences, but in the big picture I don’t doubt. I may not often hear or perceive the Unseen as some of my friends do, but I know down to the core of my being that it is all real. The land around me is alive. There are a multitude of things and beings I can’t see which still exist. Even when I am feeling completely shut off and blind from them, I know they are there.


3 comments on “2011… and it’s back to work

  1. While I’m fully on board with your statements here, as a matter of clarification, I’d like to raise the issue of doubt–I don’t think a lot of the experience of doubt has to do with whether or not something happened, or whether or not it was “real” (at least for me); it often has a more existential quality to it. In other words, it’s not so much “I’m having doubt that this thing with the gods happened,” so much as “I’m having doubt that this thing with the gods that happened really means anything, to me or anyone else.” What use is the greatest revelation of a deity, or the extreme feeling of peace and well-being that may result from it, if one cannot change the world, make people happier, or even (say) get a successful job application? I’m not sure that doubt doesn’t arise from entirely external-to-spirituality circumstances a lot of the time, for example.

    Anyway, I just wanted to point that out–not having doubt about one’s experiences is good, but what about all the other doubts that creep in? (Not to add to your overall doubt quotient or things to stress over, but anyway…!?!)

    Okay, I’ll shut it now. :/

  2. No, I definitely appreciate your comments on that.
    For some reason I’ve never worried so much over the big implications of what the experience was. The Gods don’t function as well in the material world unfortunately. It’s a shame They can’t come through and shift things more directly. (Yes I do think this was more possible in the past too.)

    The whole point of it? I wish I knew. Most of the time I figure I will never even have a glimpse of the big point. Somehow I’m OK with that now.

  3. Pingback: Doubt and Mysticism… « Aedicula Antinoi: A Small Shrine of Antinous

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