Unfocused was the word of the year

Well, I started to do the Twelve Nights of Yule rune blogging, and you all can see how well that went. Yes some of it did not happen because of doing stuff around secular Christmas. But that only accounts of two days of excuses. Most of last week was spent with my butt planted in the chair by my desk, either playing games on Shockwave or Lego Lord of the Rings. Some months ago having that degree of relaxation (along with sleeping at least 8 hours per night) would have been great. Now it means my joints are so sore that last night I could not fall asleep for over two hours because my legs were so sore. This morning I went with my mother to drop my cousins visiting from Sweden at the train station. They are spending New Year’s Eve in Times Square and will be doing some sightseeing in the city until Thursday.

When I got home, I spent some time playing the aforementioned Lego game, and the next thing I knew it was 1.30 pm. And I was tired. And I decided I was up and done with all this. Yes, 2012 has been a year of recovery for me, but now it’s done and I need to regain my strength, focus, and spiritual practice.

Much can be summed up with a dream I had last week. I contacted the other person involved in it, and they are fine with my sharing. I don’t know if it was a specific case of dream work or me just being sent a blatant message, but I heard the message loud and clear:
“I dreamt I was with Lupa who needed me to do some trance work to help her. She was in her headdress, had an altar set out on the floor. I needed to take her hands while I did trance. I started, then something distracted me and I went off doing other stuff for a little while. Then there was an older woman who yelled at me and reminded me of what I said I would do. I sat down again, had a small pot of lapis* into which I put my free hand, started again, and again got distracted by something. I never went back.”

First, I have the feeling that the woman yelling was either Frigga or Bestla, or some merging of both. What happened in the dream does make a nice summation of the year. Outside of regular senut, my spiritual practices have been rather minimal and scattered throughout the year. Beth most recent divination from me included the message that I need to start with doing less, doing basics, and doing what has worked for me in the past. This is a difficult one, because I love trying new stuff and like having a full plate.

So what does this mean? I need to slow down. I need to cut down on the gaming and not do it just because it’s there. I need to listen again.

One of my greatest concerns is that I don’t act like some kind of weekend warrior. The person who undertakes all these spiritual teachings over two days and then having it divided from the rest of my life. Somehow that does not seem to be the case, even if my active practice has been minimal. Being a polytheist infuses my life, Kemetic and Heathen ethos is a part of how I behave (and aren’t contradictory), and every day I behave like my Father‘s daughter. 24 hours a day, seven days a week, I am Kemetic, Heathen, a witch, a Vodousaint, a hedge-rider, a mystic. Awake or asleep, this does not end.

So what does this mean? I don’t know. I do know it means I can’t do a little of all my Stuff every day. But I need to make more time for it, and spend less time in a chair. I need to dance more, and write more. I need to play with my herbs and stones. I need to meditate, and regain trance skills. To talk to people.

I’m also going to continue with the rune blogging and hope to be done with it in the next week or so. There is also Pagan Blog Project to resume. Some posts I wanted to do this year never happened and still sit in my draft folder. Also, for those of you who are active remetj in the House of Netjer, I am co-facilitating a book club. My hope is that a more focused reading of materials will teach me more and deepen my practices.

And in all this, I also need to remember to relax. If this last week+ has been good for anything, it’s been for the reminder of what it feels like for weight not to be resting on my shoulders.

So what is on your plate in these last hours of 2012? I’m ready for the year to turn over. Zep tepi, baby.

*Lapis lazuli is a favorite stone of mine, as well as one prized in Kemet. Among other attributes, Judy Hall says this about it in The Crystal Bible: “Lapis Lazuli encourages taking charge of life. It reveals inner truth, encourages self-awareness, and allows self-expression without holding back or compromising… This stone brings the enduring qualities of honesty, compassion, and uprightness to the personality.” That was not at all subtle was it?

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